YEarS Of NO RaIN

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I ended last year with a determined state of mind to find “ME”. While that may seem easy, it is, in reality, not relatively so easy for me. How many times have you promised yourself that you would do something to make a difference in your life? Have you totally given out so much of yourself that in the process, you lost you/

Well, that is where I found myself last year, 2020. I had reached my limit. The years before the pandemic was rough, I went through menopause (awful), and my body was changing. My mind felt like mush because hormones were out of control. I went through and still have body shaming. It was also the time my Anxiety/Panic Attacks came back with a vengeance.

Dr Mechelle

Panic is hard simply because you don’t really have any specific thing to be panicky over. What can start out as a typical day can turn in an instant and leave you feeling emotionally drained and physically tired? I just couldn’t figure out why it was back and how I would stop it.


As I sat down and looked at my life, it became a little more clear circumstances that may have contributed to my then-current state. First, we lost our business income (due to bad decisions on my part) and, as a result, lost our home. This was embarrassing, but I tried to pretend it wasn’t all that bad. Second, we had to move into our daughters home in one bedroom, and although she welcomed us, I felt like a failure as a parent. So no money, no home, no business, I just kept stuffing feelings down just so I could exist.


Today I am in a much better place. Emotionally I am better; financially, it is good. I am beginning to like myself again (I decided to have a tummy tuck, lipo, BBL) at 63! I will write more about that in another blog. It was, for me, one of the best decisions. My anxiety/Panic isn’t gone, but it is under control. I know that it is because of prayer (my faith in God) and medication (Good Therapy). Will I ever be completely free from Anxiety/Panic? Don’t know, can I be free? I believe that God can do miracles. In the meantime, I’ll continue to share my ups and downs, believing it will help someone else.

To be continued,

Me’Shel