I ended last year with a determined state of mind to find “ME”. While that may seem easy, it is, in reality, not relatively so easy for me. How many times have you promised yourself that you would do something to make a difference in your life? Have you totally given out so much of yourself that in the process, you lost you/

Well, that is where I found myself last year, 2020. I had reached my limit. The years before the pandemic was rough, I went through menopause (awful), and my body was changing. My mind felt like mush because hormones were out of control. I went through and still have body shaming. It was also the time my Anxiety/Panic Attacks came back with a vengeance.

Dr Mechelle

Panic is hard simply because you don’t really have any specific thing to be panicky over. What can start out as a typical day can turn in an instant and leave you feeling emotionally drained and physically tired? I just couldn’t figure out why it was back and how I would stop it.

As I sat down and looked at my life, it became a little more clear circumstances that may have contributed to my then-current state. First, we lost our business income (due to bad decisions on my part) and, as a result, lost our home. This was embarrassing, but I tried to pretend it wasn’t all that bad. Second, we had to move into our daughters home in one bedroom, and although she welcomed us, I felt like a failure as a parent. So no money, no home, no business, I just kept stuffing feelings down just so I could exist.

Today I am in a much better place. Emotionally I am better; financially, it is good. I am beginning to like myself again (I decided to have a tummy tuck, lipo, BBL) at 63! I will write more about that in another blog. It was, for me, one of the best decisions. My anxiety/Panic isn’t gone, but it is under control. I know that it is because of prayer (my faith in God) and medication (Good Therapy). Will I ever be completely free from Anxiety/Panic? Don’t know, can I be free? I believe that God can do miracles. In the meantime, I’ll continue to share my ups and downs, believing it will help someone else.

To be continued,


I jUsT DoN’T KNow


As I have stopped and slowed way down, the is a shift taking place in my life. It is a necessary SHIFT for me. To navigate the World as it is now, and not knowing what our NORMAL will be. I feel personally for me that different mindset is essential, but also scary requiring a huge step of faith on my part.

Over this past year and into this New Year, life has brought me face to face with me, what I believe in, what I thought was important, who and what I value and how do I move forward in life? I am admit to you reading this, and to myself that the process hasn’t been a pleasant one.

Depression has been a frequent companion, and even my panic disorder has flared up. At first, I allowed and felt self-pity hanging around pretending to be my friend. But you see it was not for what I have come to understand that one negative thought or feeling you entertain for too long, tends to always invite friends to join the party. Friends like depression, fear, loneliness, panic etc.

Hard times just kept coming, and my mental state kept up with the DRAMA. I began to feel ugly and body same myself as well. The irony of it is, I am a Christian Life Counsellor and inspire other women about loving themselves, overcoming the trials that life can bring. And yet here at this time under these circumstances I was falling prey.

Well I am just saying that no matter what, I realize that “I was not built to break”…kirk franklin. There is a master plan and I am still very much a part of it and so are you. No, life is not perfect but there is always light at the end of a tunnel, sometimes you just have to look really hard for it.


Rosa Parks 

On her legacy: “I would like to be remembered as a person who wanted to be free … so other people would be also free.”